-President Ronald Regan
Republican to English Translation: "Facts are so often at odds with the absurd perspectives of Republicans that we should generally just ignore them and continue to steer the country in the wrong direction in spite of them."
Commentary: Facts... the natural enemy of Republicans.
-“I don’t care what fact check says.”
- Peter King, Congressman (NY)
Republican to English Translation: “I
don’t care about facts, no matter how wrong I am, and no matter how obvious it
is I just don’t care.”
Commentary: Since when did it become
in any way acceptable to be anti-fact?
-“We’re not going let our campaign be
dictated by fact-checkers.”
- Neil Newhouse, Mitt Romney campaign
pollster
Republican to English Translation: “We are going to lie. We don’t care if we get caught; we are still going
to lie.”
Commentary: ‘Ignore the facts’ could legitimately be the
slogan of the modern Republican Party.
-“No one’s ever asked to see my birth
certificate. They know that this is the
place that we were born and raised”
- Mitt Romney, Governor of
Massachusetts and Presidential candidate implying that President
Obama is not a U.S. citizen
Obama is not a U.S. citizen
Republican to English Translation: “Even
though I know full well that this birth certificate thing is complete bullshit,
and borderline racist, I’m not going to let that stop me from taking a cheap
shot at that African Muslim immigrant Barak Obama.”
Commentary: This statement was made long after President
Obama did put forth his birth certificate (which still failed to silence the
absurd conspiracy theorist Republicans). Meanwhile, the Presidential election came and
went without Mitt Romney disclosing more than one year of his tax returns. Of course in the upside-down world of
Republicans this doesn’t change the story that President Obama was the one
hiding something.
-“As governor of Alaska, I took a stand
against politicized science when I sued the federal government over its
decision to list the polar bear as an endangered species”
-
Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska and Vice Presidential candidate
Republican to English Translation:
“Screw Polar Bears, I don’t care if they go extinct!”
Commentary: Sarah is just mad that she’s not allowed to
hunt them from a helicopter.
-"I’m ready for the ‘gotcha’ questions
and they’re already starting to come. And when they ask me who is the president
of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan I’m going to say, you know, I don’t know. Do
you know?”
-
Herman Cain, Republican presidential candidate
Republican to English Translation: “I’m ready
for the ‘gotcha’ questions…just as long as you don’t ask me the names of any
other countries…or their leaders.”
Commentary: The sad thing is Herman might really think
that’s an actual country.
-“When you have a fire in an aircraft,
there’s no place to go, exactly, there’s no – and you can’t find any oxygen
from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t
open. I don’t know why they don’t do
that. It’s a real problem."
-
Mitt Romney, Governor of Massachusetts and Presidential candidate
Republican to English Translation: “I
don’t understand why airplane windows don’t open.”
Commentary: I think Mitt has legitimate reason to be
concerned about the amount of oxygen getting to his brain.
-“It is not enough to be abstinent with
other people, you also have to be abstinent alone. The bible says that lust in your heart is
committing adultery, so you can’t masturbate without lust.”
-
Christine O’Donnell, Senatorial candidate (DE)
Republican to English Translation:
“Masturbation is a sin against God….and he’s watching you!”
Commentary: Watch out liberals, Republicans are tricky –
if you disagree with her they will label you as “pro-masturbation”.
-“Guns have little or nothing to do
with juvenile violence. The causes of
youth violence are working parents who put their kids into daycare, the
teaching of evolution in the schools, and working mothers who take birth
control pills”
-
Tom DeLay, Senate Majority Leader (TX)
Republican to English Translation:
“Nothing incites violence like women who have a job, child care, and
science.”
Commentary: Yes conservatives, we know, guns have
nothing to do with people getting shot…
-“Capital punishment is our way of
demonstrating the sanctity of life”
-
Orrin Hatch, Senator (UT)
Republican to English Translation:
“Republicans are unwavering in our stance as ‘pro-life’…except when we
are ‘pro-death’.”
Commentary: Anyone ever noticed that the ‘pro-life’ party
supports the death penalty, ultra liberal gun laws, and an over-zealous
military? Let’s call a spade a spade,
Republicans don’t believe ‘life is sacred’, they just want to be in control of
who dies and why.
-“He who warned, uh, the British that
they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells, and um,
makin’ sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots
and bells that we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed.”
-
Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska and Vice Presidential candidate, on Paul Revere
Republican to English Translation: “The
whole point of the Revolutionary War was gun rights, as Paul Revere signaled
with those famous gun shots as he rode through town warning the British.”
Commentary: “And I know my American history” – Sarah
Palin
-“But we also know that the very
founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more
in the United States…I think it is high time that we recognize the contribution
of our forbearers who worked tirelessly – men like John Quincy Adams, who would
not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country.”
-
Michelle Bachmann, Congresswoman (MN) and Presidential candidate
Republican to English Translation:
“Slavery didn’t exist in America after the formation of our government
in 1776 due to the exhaustive efforts of the founding fathers.”
Commentary: Ummm, I don’t mean to be picky here Michele,
but the founding fathers did not end slavery.
The whole end to slavery thing happened about a hundred years
later…Abraham Lincoln, Civil War, constitutional amendment, blah, blah,
blah. And oh yeah, John Quincy Adams
wasn’t one of the founding fathers.
Other than that you’re really talking sense here.
-“President Obama wants everybody in
America to go to college. What a snob … Oh, I understand why he wants you to go
to college. He wants to remake you in his image.”
–Rick Santorum (R-PA), Senator and
Presidential candidate
Republican to English Translation:
“Encouraging achievement in higher education is snobbery, and nothing
more than a plot by Obama to make college students into liberal zombies.”
Commentary: Rick Santorum has good reason to be
anti-intelligence; smart people don’t vote for him.
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